Say Something
by paceyjoeytruelove
Summary: In life you have many roads some lead you to a brighter more meaningful world and others they tend to lead you to a very dark and hallow place. But…what no one ever talks about is that road in between heaven and hell. What if no matter what you do to try to save someone from going down that road that leads to hell they end up there any way? What if they are just too far gone
1. Hang

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Hello and thank you for stopping by. Ok…so this is my first fic dealing with something like this. It is darker than what I usually write but I was listening to this song in the car the other day and this came to me. So I hope you like it. This is a one shot for now I am not sure about continuing I guess I will let the story decide for itself.

Well….I know you didn't come here to listen to me ramble on and on so without further wait I give you…

_In life you have many roads some lead you to a brighter more meaningful world and others well….they tend to lead you to a very dark and hallow place. But…what no one ever talks about is that road in between heaven and hell. What if no matter what you do to try to save someone from going down that road that leads to hell they end up there any way? What if they are just too far gone for you to care anymore? _

**XXXX**

Rachel had found herself on the steps of their old apartment broken, confused and now…alone. She took a deep breath wondering how it had come down to this. No matter how hard things got they always managed to find their way back but…this time she wasn't really sure if they could.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you.  
I'll be the one, if you want me to.  
Anywhere, I would've followed you.  
Say something, I'm giving up on you.  
_

_Flashback six months prior….._

_Rachel walked into their small yet…cozy New York apartment. She tossed her bag and keys on the table exhausted and drained from the day all she wanted to do was kick her shoes off pour a glass of wine and relax but….judging by the ever growing pile of dishes that were now taking over the sink she knew that was not going to happen. She walked into the living room and rolled her eyes in disgust at the sight before her. There were dirty clothes strung along the couch and dirty dishes had managed to make their way on to the coffee table. She looked up at the clock on the wall it was eight in the evening and she knew that he was probably going to be home late like every other night. It used to not bother her that he worked late but…that was also when he would call and say he was working late. But…when the phone calls stopped that was it. She grabbed the clothes off the couch and decided to start a load of laundry. When she noticed something falls out of the pocket of his jeans. She reaches down and picks it up and her hands quickly fly to her mouth knowing all too well what was in that bag. He had sworn to her that he had quit. Well…that explains the late nights she thought as she tucked the bag into her pocket thinking that she would talk to him later about it knowing that it was really no use. _

_And I am feeling so small.  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all._

_**XXXX**_

_After she had gotten the laundry done, the dishes, and even threw in some vacuuming it was now eleven at night and still no sign of Finn. She picked up the phone to call him to see if he was even planning to come home tonight. "Voicemail damn it." she tosses the phone on the counter and reaches for the bottle of wine. Not even caring about a glass or not she walked over to the couch and turned the TV on pushing out the thoughts that were swimming in her head. _

_Rachel was awoken to the sound of keys in the door. She looked at the clock it was now one am and he now was finally coming home. "Hey…I…uh…was going to call but my phone died." Finn stumbles over his words and into the apartment. _

"_And…there were no other phones around?" she spits at him as she gets up to dispose of the now empty wine bottle. Finn runs his hands through his hair knowing that no matter what he says at this point it is not going to end well. _

"_Sorry." he says placing his arms around her. She quickly removes his arms and spins around. _

"_You come home at one am reeking of booze and higher than a fucking kite and all you can say is sorry." Rachel can feel the anger rising up in her. As she clenches her fists trying very hard not to slap the ever loving shit out of him. _

"_Of course I work at a fucking bar not all of us are lucky to get a job at their daddy's firm." As soon as the words left his mouth he instantly regretted them. He takes a step closer. _

"_Don't fucking touch me." She spats taking two steps back. She couldn't believe what he had just said. "Well…someone has to take care of this family because lord knows you are doing a hell of a job on your own. I am so glad that Lea is staying with Beth tonight. Heaven forbid she walked in seeing her father like this." She knew that they were about to reach the point of no return years of pent up anger was finally coming to a head and that this was the end. _

_Finn just stood there in shock how dare she say that he does provide for them. "Well…at least she'd know that I am human and I am not living some fairy tale." _

_Rachel blinks back the tears that are threatening to fall she takes a deep breath. "Fairy tale? Yeah….ok…I bust my ass at my job come home to a house that is a fucking wreck because my husband is to lazy to get off his ass and wash a fucking dish every now and then." She picks up a plate off the counter and throws it at him. Finn moves out of the way to avoid getting hit in the head with the plate. He watches as the plate shatters into a million pieces. _

"_I'm going to go." Finn says keeping his anger at bay as he walks over to the door._

"_You might want to take these." She says throwing the bag of pills at him. "They seem to be the only thing you fucking care about." she spats at him. _

_Finn picks up the bag off the floor. So…this is why she is pissed at me. He thinks. "Rachel…" He starts to say but he knows that there is nothing left to say. They have finally reached the point where words have no meaning. The damage could not be undone. "I'll just get my things while you're at work." he says as Rachel watches him walk out the door for the last time. When the door she grabs a dust pan and broom and begins to pick up the scattered pieces of glass. Like her marriage it too was broken beyond repair. _

_And I will stumble and fall.  
I'm still learning to love  
just starting to crawl._

**XXXX**

Rachel wiped the tears that had fallen from her face and fixes her dress as she knocks on the door knowing that this is one of the hardest things that she has ever had to do.

"Rachel?" Finn asks blinking his eyes not sure if this was a dream of not.

"Uh…can I come in?" she asks hesitantly Finn gives her a nod and as soon as she is hit with the memories of that night. They hit her like a brick wall.

"Here let me help you with that." Finn offers as he helps her with her jacket. Rachel takes in a sharp breath as she feels his hand connect with the small sliver a skin that is exposed.

"Thanks." she says quickly pulling away not wanting to get lost in his touch.

"So…you want something to drink?" He offers as he places her jacket on the back of the couch.

"Sure." She says as she takes in the appearance of the apartment. It really hadn't changed much except it was a lot cleaner than it had been in the past.

"I've got wine, soda, tea, or beer." he tells her as he opens the fridge.

"Wine I guess." She tells him as she takes a seat at the bar. He hands her the glass of wine and takes a seat in front of her. "Thanks." She says taking the glass and taking a sip of it.

"So…how are things?" He asked not really sure of what to say.

"Good…I just got a promotion." She lies well…not about the promotion part. If she had to be honest she was miserable without him.

"A promotion that is great so what are you going to be doing now?" he asked taking a swig of his beer.

"You are looking at the newest junior partner at Berry, Berry and Hudson law firm." She could see the smile form on his lips when she said his last name.

"Awesome I am happy for you." He tells her not sure what else to say.

"So…um…how have you been." She asked looking into his eyes.

"Good…I quit the bar and went back to school and also I have been clean and sober for five months now." He tells her.

"Finn…I am so proud of you. So…what are you majoring in?" she asked she truly was proud of him but…she couldn't help but wonder why he didn't get help when they were together.

"Thanks…I am working on my degree in human services I am thinking that I might be an addiction counselor. I was thinking that since you know I was once an addict that maybe it could like help them." Finn finds himself stumbling over his words. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol or his nerves getting the best of him. "So…what's in the envelope?" he asked noticing the brown envelope sitting on the table.

"What?" And…there is was the million dollar question of the night. Rachel shakes her head and slides it over to him. "Open it." she says almost regretting it but…she knew it was the right thing to do. Finn gives her a nod and pulls out the papers in the envelope and his heart sinks to the floor.

"Are these…." Finn says as he can feel his entire world crash around him. Rachel gives him a small nod not looking him in the eye. Finn takes a deep breath he couldn't believe it never did he think that it would come to this. "Is this really what you want?" He says his voice is thick with emotion.

"Finn…it's the only option we have." She says playing with the ring on her finger. Finn is silent as he begins to process what is happening. Granted that they hadn't really talked much since the night he left and he knew it was over but…for some reason he held out hope that maybe just maybe they could give it another shot. But he knew now that there was no hope it was over and there was no more second chances.

"You got a pen?" he asked knowing that once she had made up her mind there was no changing it.

"Uh…yea." She says looking in her purse while letting a few tears escape. She quickly blinks away any other tears that threatened to fall. "Here." She shakily hands him the pen as her voice cracks. This wasn't what she wanted but there was no turning back now.

_Say something, I'm giving up on you.  
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you.  
And anywhere, I would have followed you.  
_

"Thanks." He says his hand brushing hers. He can barley see where he is to sign his vision is blurred by the tears that are now falling. He holds the pen over the line where he is to sign knowing that if he signs on that line that it's over. He wasn't sure if he was ready to let it all go. They had been through so much to just throw it all away. "There you go." He says sliding the papers back to her.

"Thank you." She nods as she takes the papers she looks up at him as she reads the words "I love you" written where his signature is to be. She stares at the words not knowing what to say. She knows in her heart that this is all a huge mistake but her mind can't just let go of what had happened. "Do you mean it?" she asked staring into his whiskey colored eyes.

"I never stopped." He says his voice cracking as he moves closer towards her.

"Finn…." was all that she could say as she felt his lips crash into hers. Everything that they had been afraid to say was said in that one kiss. "I…I have to go." Rachel says breaking the kiss. Finn's face falters as he realizes that it's really over. Finn pulls the papers out of her bag and signs his name on the line. Knowing that nothing he says or does is going to change her mind. If this was what she wanted then he would give it to her. He places the papers back in her bag and kisses her cheek. "Goodbye Finn." Rachel nods as she walks out the door. Leaving a broken hearted Finn on the other side. She stands there for a minute and looks at the papers her fingers trace the indentions of where he signed his name. She wipes away the tears from her eyes and places the papers back in her bag as she takes one last look at the place that had meant so much to her.

**XXXX**

"Goodbye Rachel." He says as he collapses against the door knowing that this was the end.

Ok….so there it is I hope you enjoyed it.

Reviews are not only welcomed but greatly appreciated.


	2. How's it Going to Be

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

A/N: Thank you so much for the kind reviews they are greatly appreciated.

It had been one week since he had stupidly signed those papers one week…since his life came crashing down on him in the blink of an eye. He had always hoped that maybe just maybe one day she would forgive him for the ass that he was. But…judging by her visit she definitely wasn't going to forgive him anytime soon. Finn rolled over and looked at the clock once again it was four in the afternoon. It had almost become normality for him. Wake up late afternoon grab whatever was in the fridge and judging by the film that had settled in his mouth from the night before it seemed he had drank kerosene. He knew he hadn't really drunk kerosene he knew better than that. He figured since it was four in the afternoon he would at least attempt to maybe take a shower as he looked at himself in the mirror he realized that he did indeed look like shit. So he stepped in the shower he let the warm water soothe his aching hung over muscles that were screaming at him. Finn closes his eyes pushing any and all thoughts of Rachel out of his mind. He was doing a pretty good job of it before she came waltzing back making him think that just maybe she would give him another chance. But…nope instead she slaps him in the face with divorce papers. He was thankful for one thing at that was Lea was in Lima with his parents for the summer. At least she wouldn't see him like this.

He had talked to Lea a few times after the fight he had with Rachel just because Him and Rachel did not get along didn't mean he couldn't talk to his daughter. For a sixteen year old she was pretty smart when it came to relationship stuff. She told me that I needed to pull my head out off my ass and check into some sort of rehab. While I never thought I had a problem my daughter sure the hell did and that was enough for me.

Finn stepped out of the shower after realizing the water had turned cold. He wiped the steam off the mirror and thought back to the conversation he and Puck had the night after Rachel had stopped by.

"_Dude what the hell happened?" Puck asked as he looks around the living room. H e knew from Quinn that Rachel had filed for divorce. Surely after six months Finn had to know this was coming but…judging by the fact that the house looked like a bomb had gone off apparently he didn't. Puck shoved some boxes out of the way to make a path to a sleeping or passed out Finn on the couch. Judging by the stench and empty bottles on the coffee table Finn was for sure passed out. "Dude get the hell up!" Puck yells yanking the covers off Finn which causes him to fall on to the floor. _

"_What the hell dude?" A half a sleep Finn says through squinted eyes._

"_Ok…for starters put the blanket back on I really don't need to see your junk." Puck closes his eyes realizing that Finn was butt-ass naked under the covers._

"_Well…if someone hadn't so rudely yanked them off me we wouldn't have that problem now would we?" Finn states as he wraps the blanket around him and sits back on the couch. "What time is it?" He asked grabbing a beer off the coffee table. Puck quickly grabs it from him and pours it down the sink. "What the hell dude I was going to drink that." Finn protests. _

"_Try this." Puck tosses him a bottle of water._

"_Hand me that bottle over there." He asked pointing to a small orange bottle. Puck reaches over to grab it when he quickly realizes what it is. _

"_Thought you were clean?" Puck asked with accusing eyes. _

"_I am I showered yesterday. Now …can you hand me the pills I have a monster headache I'd like to get rid of." Finn says clearly annoyed by Puck. _

"_Sure thing." Puck hands him two Tylenol out of the bottle next to the other one.  
_

"_I meant the other ones." Finn points out. _

"_I know dude. Are you seriously going to let one bad night ruin months of sobriety? I thought you were trying to get your shit together?" Puck questions. _

"_Come on it's just a little Oxy and besides I have pretty much lost everything so what's the big deal?" Finn reaches for the pills. Puck having enough of his self loathing stops him. _

"_Look I know it hurts like hell right now believe me I know better than anyone what you are going through. How are you going to help anyone if you can't even help yourself?" Puck was truly concerned about Finn. The last time he had seen him like this when Rachel left the first time and he wasn't about to let him fall again. _

"_I'm not going back. What's the point?" Finn knew Puck was right but….at this moment he didn't want to give him that satisfaction._

"_What do you mean you're not going back?" Puck questions while looking at him like he had grown two heads or something._

"_I mean I am not going back to school what's the point? It's not like it will change a damn thing. All I ever will be is the irresponsible addict that she loathes." He says looking at Puck. _

"_You know she doesn't think that." Puck tries to reassure him but…he knows it is no use. Finn has it set in his mind and truly believes what he's said. _

"_Then why does she want a divorce?" Finn asked and Puck can see the hurt and pain in his eyes. _

"_Because you're a jackass." Finn gives him a look as Puck continues. "Sorry but someone had to say it. I mean come on instead of facing your problems you spend a month wallowing in self pity in hopes that if you got drunk or high enough they would just go away. But…that wasn't the case now was it?" Finn nods his head in agreement. Puck was right he had really fucked up. "And let me guess when she came back you thought everything would be just fine?" Finn nods his head again. "And…you wonder why it all fell apart." Puck tells him hoping that maybe he has gotten through to him this time. _

"_I get it I should've talked to her. But…what the hell was I supposed to say. I know we haven't talked in months but sorry for being a selfish jackass?" Finn yells in frustration. _

"_Well…it would've been a start." Puck points out. _

"_So…what now?" Finn asked hoping that Puck had an answer. _

"_Firstly you are going to take a shower because to be honest you smell like ass. Secondly you are going to stay in school and lastly you and I are going to go to that coffee shop down the street where they have those meetings and you are going to work on becoming the man that your daughter and your wife can be proud of." Puck tells him._

"_Ex-wife." Finn points out. _

"_She hasn't filed yet." Puck points out which was all the motivation that Finn needed to try and pull his head out of his ass._

Finn shakes his thoughts away. Puck was right if he was ever going to get his family back he needed to pull it together and fix himself. He grabs his towel and wraps it around his waist and goes to find some clothes.

**XXXX**

Rachel sat on the couch with her usual glass of wine staring at the divorce papers…like she did every night. She hadn't been to work since she had talked to Finn. Well…actually she hadn't really left this house since then. It wasn't like she didn't want to leave she did want to take the chance of running into him. She felt so stupid for thinking that he wouldn't sign them. Well…at first he didn't but when she told him that it was what she wanted which was a complete lie? What she really wanted to tell him was that she missed him and still loved him and would do anything to make it work. But…when he signed them so easily with out any fight she knew there was nothing left to fight for. It had become some sort of nightly thing for her. Grab a glass of wine sit down and just stare at the papers like they were in some foreign language to her. She knew that she needed to file them soon. But…every time she went to file something would stop her maybe it was like a sign or something. After all she has had them in her possession for three months before coming to him. She wanted so badly to forgive him but even if she did it was the matter of forgetting. How do you forget years and years of fighting? She was truly happy when he had told her that he had gone to rehab and was going back to school. But…even if he had changed she wasn't sure if she could trust him. She could count on both hands in the last ten years he had gone to rehab. Yeah…of course it would work for a few months but…then something would happen and he would be back to his old habits.

She just hoped for his sake that this was the last time. Her worst fear was telling their daughter that her dad had O'd and was never coming back. There was one time when that fear almost became her nightmare. But…thankfully paramedics came in time to take him to the hospital to have his stomach pumped. She felt the tears fall from her eyes just when she thought she couldn't cry anymore. But…guess she was wrong. The sound of her cell phone breaks her of her thoughts. "Hello?" She answered hoping her voice did not give her away.

"So…how's my Jewish princess doing?" Puck asked calling her by the nickname he had given her back in high school.

"What do you want Noah?" she asked annoyed at him.

"Well…since I haven't seen you at work for like the past week. I thought I would call and see how you are doing." Rachel still wasn't sure why her dads hired him in the first place. She really did like Noah but honestly he just annoyed the shit out of her.

"I am just fine thanks for asking." Hoping that she didn't come off too mean.

"Really so…perfectly 'fine' people don't blow off work for a week and get drunk." he is so lucky he is not here in person because she'd most likely slap the shit out of him.

"For one I am and not drunk. And…not like it's any of your business my dads told me to take the week off." She tries to sound convincing but she can tell by the laugh he just let out that he did not believe her.

"If you say so Ber…I mean HUD…ok which one is it?" he asked knowing this may have been a bad idea.

"It's still Hudson." her voice begins to falter.

"Just making sure. Look…I know he has been a royal jackass but he's trying you know." Puck says to her not bothering to tell her about last week.

"I know but who's to say that he won't slip again?" Rachel asked as she takes a sip of her wine.

"You have to have faith in him Rachel." He tells her.

"What if I am all out of faith?" Rachel asked. She really wasn't sure how much more she had to give.

"Come on you guys have been through hell and I know that right now it seems like it won't get better but trust me it will. He needs you more than ever right now." Puck explains hoping that he hadn't revealed too much.

"Then why'd he sign the papers then?" Rachel asked not sure if she wanted to know the answer to it or not.

"Because you told him it was what you wanted." Puck makes an emphasis on the 'you'.

"It's just better this way." She says her voice trailing off.

"For who? Because I know damn well it's not for him." Puck can feel the anger rise in him and he knows he shouldn't be angry with her. But after seeing the way Finn was last week it just pissed him off.

"What…do you mean? Do you really think I wanted this? I tried so hard to be there for him but…there is only so much one person can take before they break. And I am sorry I can't just sit back and watch him throw his life away over and over. I have nothing left." Rachel says finally breaking down Rachel takes a deep breath trying to collect herself.

"Rachel…I get it I really do but…I think this time is it. He is scared as hell to lose you and Lea. I think there is a reason why you haven't filed those papers yet." As much as she hated it Puck was right. There was a reason she just wasn't sure what it was yet.

"I'm scared Puck." Rachel tells him. Which surprises him not only because she just admitted that she was scared but…she called him Puck?

"We all are." Was all he could say as he heard the sobs coming from the other end? He hadn't expected this. "So Beth is like staying over at Chandler's tonight you maybe want to have diner with Quinn and I? I know that Quinn would love to catch up with you." Puck asked changing the subject.

"Uh…sure it might be nice to get out for a while. Who's Chandler?" Rachel asked. While thinking getting out would be nice.

"Her boyfriend." Puck tells her casually.

"You let your seventeen year old daughter stay the night with her boyfriend? Puck I thought you of all people had better sense than that?" Rachel never thought in a million years that Puck would let Beth stay any where with a boy.

"Come on they have been together for like two years and they both promised me that nothing has happened between them. Besides they are good kids." Puck explains not really getting Rachel's point.

"Puck you remember what you were like at seventeen don't you?" And that's when it clicks to Puck.

"Shit…you don't think…" Puck starts to panic.

"Puck calm down….I am sure everything will be ok. You trust her with him don't you?" She tells him trying to get him to calm down.

"Yeah…of course I do." Puck says calming down.

"Ok…then you have nothing to worry about." Rachel tells him.

"So…I will see you at our place at seven then?" Puck says changing the subject.

"Sure." Rachel says as she hangs up the phone.

**XXXX**

Finn sat there on his couch holding the bottle of pills he had found when he was cleaning up. Part of him wanted so badly to take one just to make the pain go away. He loved the way they made him feel it was like euphoric like all his problems slowly melted away. But as soon as the high was gone his problems came back bigger than ever. He could feel the demons starting to take over it's just one pill what could it hurt he thought as he continued to stare at the bottle. _'It's not worth it.' _Puck's voice echo's in his mind as he walks over to the bathroom deciding to dump the pills down the toilet. He catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror and looks at his reflection. His face was starting to show the signs of an addict…the skin was taught….his eyes had deep dark circles around him…the man in the mirror was not the man he wanted to be. He looks down at the bottle in his hand and throws it at the wall and he watches as the pills scatter onto the floor. How the hell did it get to this point he thought as he stared at the now shattered mirror. He can feel the flood of emotions taking over his body as he begins to shake and collapses to the ground. This was it this was what rock bottom felt like. Face it he had lost everything in the blink of an eye all because he wasn't strong enough. He reaches over to where his phone is with shaky hands and blurred vision he calls the one person he knows can help him.

**XXXX**

Rachel was just putting the finishing touches on her make up when her phone began to ring. She looks over at the caller ID and recognizes the number she hesitates for a minute but remembers what Puck had told her. "Hello?" She answers.

"I need you." Finn says his voice is barely a whisper and Rachel begins to think the worse.

"Finn…are you alright?" She asked wondering if he ha relapsed or something.

"Rachel…I'm a mess I don't know what to do anymore all I know is that I need you so much right now. Please can you like come over or something?" Rachel can hear the emotion in his voice. She thinks about it wondering if this was a good idea or not.

"Give me five minutes." Rachel says letting out the breath she had been holding as she hangs up the phone and walks out the door.

**XXXXXX**

Ok…so there you have it I really hope you guys liked it.

I know that this fic is on the dark side but I promise you that they will get their HEA. It is going to take time Finn has a lot of demons he still has to fight. But…in time we will see at least they are talking now.

Thank you again for reading

Once again reviews are not only welcomed but are greatly appreciated


	3. A fine line between Angels and Demons

Disclaimer: I own nothing I am pretty sure that was a given but just in case well…there you go

A/N: thanks for the reviews and sticking with this story. I promise you it will get better.

'_A fine line between angels and demons…_

_You can't quit until you try  
you can't live until you die  
you can't learn to tell the truth  
until you learn to lie…..  
_

When Rachel pulled up to Finn's building she wasn't really sure what to expect his voice had sounded so broken and alone. Rachel took a deep breath and prepared herself for the worst as she climbed up the stairs to the apartment. "Finn?" she called out through the open door. When there was no answer she began to feel the panic rise in her thinking the worst had happened. When she walked further into the apartment she noticed the bathroom light was on so she moved towards the bathroom. She felt her heart fall into her stomach when she noticed the empty pill bottle on the floor. Out of the corner of her eye she could see Finn with his legs pulled towards his chest sitting against the wall. Rachel felt a wave a relief wash over her when she saw him there.

"I didn't take any if that's what you are thinking." He said barely audible but she could hear the bitterness in his voice.

"Huh?" Rachel says caught off guard by Finn's comment. Finn points to the bottle in her hand.

"Oh…so what happened to them then?" She didn't mean to sound accusing but judging by Finn's expression it sounded just like that.

Finn points to the now broken mirror. "I kind of threw them at the mirror." Rachel let's out the breath that she didn't even realize she was holding. She took a step forward and sat next to him. Not sure of what else to do they just sat there for what seemed like and eternity until Finn broke the silence.

"I am so sorry." He says breaking down in her arms.

"Shh…it's ok Finn." She tells him as she pulls him closer to her trying to give him some kind of comfort.

"No…it's not…you don't know how bad I wanted to take just one. That's all I needed to just forget everything. God…" Finn pinches the bridge of his nose in frustration. "I feel like such a failure for even thinking it was ok to take just one. You know I had a relapse?" It wasn't really a question it was more like a statement. Finn looks up at Rachel expecting to see disappointment in her eyes instead…it is something more that he really couldn't figure out. "Please don't be mad at me. It's just when you came by. I really thought that it was to you…know work things out. But…then you handed me the divorce papers and I felt like I had been slapped in the face. I thought how could she just throw away ten years like that just because of one stupid mistake? It was like all the vows we said didn't mean anything anymore." Rachel takes in what he told her. She felt horrible that this was her fault.

"Finn…" She began her voice cracking from the emotion that was beginning to take over. "I didn't give up…I just felt like I couldn't give anymore. It was like no matter how many times you went to rehab and got clean you fell back into your old ways. I couldn't just stand back and watch you destroy your life." Rachel pauses for a minute trying to regain her composure. "I just want Finn back." She says to him choking back her tears. Knowing that this was not the time to break down if he was going to get the help he needed she had to be strong for him. It was the least she could do. Finn takes deep breath thinking about what she said to him.

"I don't want to be that person who always disappoints you." he tells her his voice barely whisper. Rachel pauses for a minute.

"You never were." Rachel says placing her hand on his cheek. He leans into her touch and closes his eyes.

"Really?" Finn places his head in her arms and finally lets out everything that he had been keeping inside. Rachel pulls him closer to her as her heart breaks for him. This was the second time tonight she had watched him break down. "God…I need you so much Rachel. I want to get better I do but…I can't do it with out you." He says between sobs. As Rachel holds him as tight as possible.

"Shh….Finn I am here and I am never leaving." This time it wasn't a lie.

"Promise?" He has looking up at her with hope in his eyes. Rachel nods her head.

"I promise." Rachel and Finn continue to hold on to each other. "Hey how about you get cleaned up and I will make us something to eat and we can just talk." She offers breaking their embrace. Finn gives her a nod as she gets up and walks out the bathroom.

**XXXX**

Rachel looked through the cupboards hoping to find something she could make for them but…after realizing that Finn really didn't have anything she decided to order take out from the café down the street. It used to be her and Finn's favorite place to go. Rachel walked over to the CD player and pressed play not caring what was in the player all she wanted to do was drown out her thoughts. She didn't really recognize the melody of the song but…there was something about it that drew her in.

_You said I'm always saying sorry for the same old things  
I'm sorry for the drugs and how much I drank  
You said I say it so much it doesn't mean anything  
I'm sorry my love but I had to leave_

She looked around the small shoebox apartment that once was filled with joy and happiness now…was filled with bitterness and hurt. She picked up a picture of them from their wedding day how could they go from being blissfully happy to this? She felt her heart sink when it hit her that it was Finn's voice she was hearing.

_I hope most of you will never know what it's like to let a love go  
Leaving everything at home, everything you've ever known_

I can't fix this from a phone, I'm sorry you feel so alone  
It's like I told you you're better off without me  
I'm sick of saying sorry so far from home

She clutched the picture to her chest as she took in the words that he was singing.

_You keep calling and complaining that I just don't care  
would you say that if I was there?  
It's that picture you keep hanging that's causing your tears  
I could set you straight if you were here  
_

She could feel the raw emotion in his voice. She knew it was bad but…when it was put into song it sounded a lot worse than it was. She only called because she did care. Maybe she was selfish by her reasons but…she has always had his best interests at heart.

_I hope most of you will never know what it's like to let a love go  
leaving everything at home, everything you've ever known  
_

Rachel continued to listen to the song letting the tears fall freely from her face. Unaware that Finn was standing in the hall watching her fall apart.

_I can't fix this from a phone, I'm sorry you feel so alone  
It's like I told you you're better off without me  
I'm sick of saying sorry  
_

Finn had just gotten out of the shower and he felt like a brand new person. It was like as soon as she walked in he knew everything was going to be ok. He was going back to rehab and he was going to get his family back no matter what he had to do. He stopped dead in his tracks when he heard the familiar tune of the song that he had wrote the night of their fight. He never intended for her to hear the song he wrote it out of anger and hurt.

_I don't want to string you along and that's why I'm letting you go  
It's like I told you you're better off without me  
I'm sick of saying sorry so far from home  
_

He was angry at the person he had become and he knew that she deserved so much better than him. It killed him to see how much he had hurt he all because he was a selfish bastard. Having enough of the song he walked over quietly and turned the CD player off.

"Hey." He says softly breaking her out of her daze.

"I…umm…ordered us some food from the café down the street." she says her voice thick with emotion.

"Cool." He tells her still not sure of what to say. "So…uh…were you planning on keeping that?" he asked as he notices she is holding the picture.

"Oh…uh…sorry I guess I just got caught up in my own thoughts." she nervously says as she places the picture back on the mantle.

"You think that we can ever get it back?" he asked. Noticing the picture.

"Get what back?" she asked knowing what he meant. But…she wasn't really sure if they could. Were they beyond repair? Or, was there something there still worth saving?

"You know…us. Do you think that we could be that happy again?" he asked hoping that maybe there was a light at this dark tunnel he was in.

"I thought you let me go?" she asked referring to the song he wrote. Finn closes the distance between them.

"Rachel….when I wrote that song I was in like…a bad place…or something. We had just had our worst fight since we had been together. I was pissed not because you left…pissed that I let you leave and the more I thought about it the more it made sense to me to let you go in hopes that maybe you would find someone who would be better for you. But…I was once again stupid. Rachel I am so sorry for everything that I have put you through. I am sorry that I haven't been the best father to Lea. I am sorry that I was an ignorant, selfish bastard who only cared about one thing. All I want is my family back and I promise you that I will do everything in my power to get it back. I love you Rachel that is the one thing that will never change no matter how lost I get in myself" It was the first time in a very long time that he was being completely honest with her and himself and it felt good to finally be honest.

Rachel took a step back not sure of what to say. Part of her wanted so badly to jump up in his arms and tell him that everything was going to be ok and that one day they would find their way back. The other part…the one that looked like it was going to win knew that it wasn't that easy. She truly believed that he wanted to get better and she was proud of him for that.

"Finn…I love you too. You…know that. I would love more than anything for their to be an 'us' again but…you know it can't be right now." It broke her heart watching his face fall. But…deep down he knew she was right. Finn takes her hand in his and looks her in the eyes.

"I know…I just want to know that after I get the help that I need and…after we have worked on our own friendship. If I was to ask you to be my girl you would." He tells her while he gives her that amazing crooked smile that melts her heart every time.

"You wouldn't have to ask." Rachel simply says as she smiles back and he pulls her into a hug. "So…how about we eat dinner?" Rachel says breaking the hug. Knowing that if she stayed in his embrace any longer she would do something that she would regret.

**XXXX**

Rachel is finishing up the dishes from dinner when Finn places his arms around her. "You want some help?" he asked placing a small kiss on her neck. He knew she shouldn't have done it but…he just couldn't help it.

Rachel closes her eyes as her body reacts to his touch.

"Sure." she tells him as she turns around she can see the darkness in his eyes and she knows that they are about to cross a very dangerous line. "Here…you can dry them." She says handing him a towel and he gives her a nod. Knowing that whatever is going on between them at the moment can not happen. No matter how bad he wants it too. Rachel begins to hum a familiar tune that brings so many memories back to Finn. He lets his mind drift as she continues to hand him plates to be dried. "Last one." She smiles handing him the plate when his hands lightly brush hers it sends a wave a electricity through her body. Having enough of fighting his feelings for her he pulls her into a passionate kiss. At first she is reluctant and she can feel herself relaxing into his touch, she can feel herself being lifted onto the counter as he continues to pepper her soft skin with kisses. She lets out a small moan which sends his senses into overdrive. She slides her hand down the hem of his shirt and…as much as he would love to take her right here right he knew that he couldn't. "Rach…" he tries to say as she pulls him closer. "We…need to stop." He says grabbing her hand.

"Oh…" was all that she could say before jumping off the counter and turning her back towards him not wanting him to see her cry.

"Rach…please look at me." He says placing his hand on her shoulder. He knew he had hurt her and it killed him.

"Don't touch me!" Rachel spats at him not bothering to look at him as she grabs her bag.

"Please can't we just like talk?" He felt like such a jackass for letting it even get this far.

"I think we have said enough tonight." She says lifting her head trying to keep from breaking down.

"Rach…I'm sorry this is all my fault I shouldn't have kissed you." He says placing a small strand of hair behind her ear. She closed her eyes willing away the things her body was telling her. Didn't he know what the simplest of touches did to her.

"Finn it was just as much my fault as it was yours." She says feeling herself calm down.

"Look….as much as I want to do this (he motions between them) we just can't I know it sounds like a good idea but…I don't want us to do anything that we would both regret." he tries to tell her the best that he can.

"I know." She says softly as she looks up at him.

"Come on let's watch a movie or something." he tells her changing the subject as he slips her bag off her shoulder.

"You think we could just like talk or something?" She asked not really feeling like a movie.

"Sure." He gives her a small smile.

**XXXX**

Ok…I hope you liked it I have decided to split this into two chapters which I am working on the second chapter. thank you again for reading


End file.
